Go away year 3!!!!
12:19 AM
Alhamdulillah... I'm done with my 3rd year of degree as a nurse... I'm closer to graduation now.. Scary huh? It is.. ase cam nak tercabut jantung.. huhh.. years back I used to think that getting graduated is going to be the happiest day ever... it's like THE END of student life but now that its getting closer... I'm anxious.. thinking what is going to happen to me in the future. Everyone should have a dream by now.. and so do I but the fact is that.. my dreams.. are seems impossible to achieve..
like...
1- I wanted to further my studies overseas (anywhere but Asia)
2- I wanted to be socialize with foreigners (Improving my communicating skills)
3- I wanted to travel the whole world and learn their culture.
4- I wanted to be fluent in Mandarin
5- I wanted to marry a guy with a chinese-look or the real Chinese can be a BONUS! Japanese and korean should be OK as well.. anyone that have small eyes.. LOL.
6- I wanted to get out from Malay culture for a moment and learn many things outside Malaysia...
Lastly, I REALLY WANT TO TRAVEL!!!
Last time I browse into some universities outside Malaysia and they're all effortless... The fees is around 2k-30k. How am I going to go with that much money~ Peple would say.. you just need to apply for MARA and everything's going to be easy.. but frankly said.. I'm not genius.. My Pointer is just near the border.. or much lesser.. Yes.. I'm seriously bad at my academic but I did well during my practicals (as in skills).
I remember.. Years back when I was studying in Jeddah as a high schooler.. I have a friend name Fatin Amira and her academic wasn't so good as compared to mine.. She always seems upset and all.. now, both of us have gone to our separated ways.. She's taking business and I'm taking nursing. Last year.. If I'm not mistaken.. We talked on the phone.. and had a really "miss you" conversation. We tried to share our pointer and I refuse to tell mine.. She then told me that right now, her pointer is about 3.4 and I wasn't happy.. I suppose to be happy for her.. at least be happy but the time she told me.. I wasnt happy at all.. AT ALL! It's not that I'm jealous.. its just that I'm too upset looking at my own pointer..That time.. I said in my heart.. "how am I suppose to beat her score? am I able to?".. I'm far behind.. Like seriously farrrrr behind.. so at that moment.. I tried my best.. I started to study for my exam a week earlier (normally I would start a day earlier).. I woke up early to study and I slept late at night. I made notes and anything that can make me remember but as soon as the result came out.. It's just the same!!!!! I'm so pissed off. No one know how pissed off I am.. Yes.. I didnt show them.. cause I DONT WANT TO LOOK STUPID.
And now.. thinking about all my dreams... "is that even possible?". Once a person told me that dream always come true if you have the courage to put YOUR DREAM into ACTION and REALITY. but now.. I really feel useless. USELESS.
What is it that I'm going to be in the future.. Is it going to be GREAT? WONDERFUL? or I'm going to be crying all night facing my failures? Allahu rabbi~ :'(
like...
1- I wanted to further my studies overseas (anywhere but Asia)
2- I wanted to be socialize with foreigners (Improving my communicating skills)
3- I wanted to travel the whole world and learn their culture.
4- I wanted to be fluent in Mandarin
5- I wanted to marry a guy with a chinese-look or the real Chinese can be a BONUS! Japanese and korean should be OK as well.. anyone that have small eyes.. LOL.
6- I wanted to get out from Malay culture for a moment and learn many things outside Malaysia...
Lastly, I REALLY WANT TO TRAVEL!!!
Last time I browse into some universities outside Malaysia and they're all effortless... The fees is around 2k-30k. How am I going to go with that much money~ Peple would say.. you just need to apply for MARA and everything's going to be easy.. but frankly said.. I'm not genius.. My Pointer is just near the border.. or much lesser.. Yes.. I'm seriously bad at my academic but I did well during my practicals (as in skills).
I remember.. Years back when I was studying in Jeddah as a high schooler.. I have a friend name Fatin Amira and her academic wasn't so good as compared to mine.. She always seems upset and all.. now, both of us have gone to our separated ways.. She's taking business and I'm taking nursing. Last year.. If I'm not mistaken.. We talked on the phone.. and had a really "miss you" conversation. We tried to share our pointer and I refuse to tell mine.. She then told me that right now, her pointer is about 3.4 and I wasn't happy.. I suppose to be happy for her.. at least be happy but the time she told me.. I wasnt happy at all.. AT ALL! It's not that I'm jealous.. its just that I'm too upset looking at my own pointer..That time.. I said in my heart.. "how am I suppose to beat her score? am I able to?".. I'm far behind.. Like seriously farrrrr behind.. so at that moment.. I tried my best.. I started to study for my exam a week earlier (normally I would start a day earlier).. I woke up early to study and I slept late at night. I made notes and anything that can make me remember but as soon as the result came out.. It's just the same!!!!! I'm so pissed off. No one know how pissed off I am.. Yes.. I didnt show them.. cause I DONT WANT TO LOOK STUPID.
And now.. thinking about all my dreams... "is that even possible?". Once a person told me that dream always come true if you have the courage to put YOUR DREAM into ACTION and REALITY. but now.. I really feel useless. USELESS.
What is it that I'm going to be in the future.. Is it going to be GREAT? WONDERFUL? or I'm going to be crying all night facing my failures? Allahu rabbi~ :'(
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